we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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