Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
