You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
look no pants
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
