Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Mom said you looked used
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
