i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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