I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
