Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
