so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
