she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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