I heard we made out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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