nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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