I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
