Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
