so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
