Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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