Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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