I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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