When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
