We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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