i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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