Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
