how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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