I am puke
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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