kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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