life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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