Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
zippers are such a cool invention
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
