i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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