dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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