so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
