Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
