if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
