It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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