Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
