This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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