If i come over, it means nothing
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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