He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
