I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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