she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
