I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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