There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
