Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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