I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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