Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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