Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.