That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can