Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just blew my weed a kiss
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?