i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila