grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.