Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
