just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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