i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
