This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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