You're completely useless in the revolution.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
