My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
