a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
