I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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