I wish I could punch you in the face.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
