I got chris browned last night
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
