you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
