I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
