He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
