Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
