you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
