Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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