Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
