I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
